gosling: (flower/snow)
[personal profile] gosling
My older kid is designing increasingly impressive structures with Minecraft. It has also become a huge point of social connection with other kids, something that fills him and them with such shared enthusiasm and joy and has really helped build and deepen a lot of his friendships with other kids. He just lights up talking about it with me and everyone else.

This fills my geeky little soul with utter delight while at the same time I sometimes want to chase him outside to play in the gorgeous weather and wish he was getting more exercise than he is. (I don't usually chase him outside, but I do try a lot find things to do as a family we all really enjoy, like going to the zoo.)

Parenting is complicated. Emotions around parenting are even more complicated. I think all I can do is try to hold onto what I always told other parents when I was teaching and they would go to me for advice. While there are wrong things one can do, there are a lot of often mutually exclusive right things one can do. He is happy in a way hasn't been before, so I silence the voice that chews at me saying pedantically he shouldn't be on the computer that much, and try to look at the kid through the lens of what *he* is finding nourishes him and not the lens of what I have been taught are the rules of how I should parent him.

But I don't know what lens is right and I don't really have an answer. I would probably tell any other parent that was fine, that there are many paths and to trust in the kid and ones instincts, and that perfection is unattainable and irrelevant, but my emotions on this are complicated and somewhat fraught.

Date: 2014-08-09 02:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spinrabbit.livejournal.com
It's hard to find the balancing points definitely. I think you can value what he's getting out of minecraft and allow him to do it quite a bit, and still sometimes say now is time for things that are not minecraft. (Or, say, anime and vloggers, if we we were talking about my kid...)

I send you sustaining hugs.

Date: 2014-08-11 07:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] achinhibitor.livejournal.com
If there's anything that humans have been selected for for over a million years, it's how to become a functional adult when one is raised by mediocre parents. Obviously, you want to try to do your best, but don't sweat it too much.
In contemporary middle-class American culture, parenting is seen as an awesome responsibility, an unforgiving vigil to keep the helpless infant from falling behind in the great race of life. [... This is] part of the same mentality that sends yuppies to "learning centers" to buy little mittens with bull's-eyes to help their babies find their hands sooner. -- Steven Pinker, "The Language Instinct"

Date: 2014-08-11 08:06 pm (UTC)
drwex: (Default)
From: [personal profile] drwex
Parenting is complicated. Emotions around parenting are even more complicated.


Date: 2014-08-12 06:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aerynne.livejournal.com
I think one useful frame to look at his computer time is that you know lots of (and maybe are) grown ups who spend much of both their work and leisure time at screens. It's not that he shouldn't also be doing other things, but if there are also zoo trips and bike rides and such, and he's doing active engagement with both the game and the relationships he's building through it, there's definitely an argument to be made for continuing.

Date: 2014-08-22 04:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chhotii.livejournal.com
Yup, all of this...


gosling: (Default)

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