What am I overlooking?
Oct. 17th, 2008 09:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
goslingMy parents have a bit of a challenge, and I'm not finding a solution. Their house is over-run with papers and grime. Ninety percent of the paper needs to go to its fate as paper recycling, but interspersed with these are important documents and treasures -- stock certificates, diplomas, the only known photos of my grandparents' wedding, etc. There is a lot of family history and financial information scattered throughout the junk and dirt.
Obviously this needs sorting, but my parents are really frail at this point. My mother's mind is utterly as sharp as ever, but she really can't physically do more than a minuscule amount of this each day. My dad is physically healthy enough, but he is also developing increasingly severe memory problems; he really can't maintain the focus to do much of anything most days.
The magnitude of the work is overwhelming. My sister's wife and step-son were there for almost a week and maybe managed to get through five percent of it. Chip and I are down there absolutely whenever we possibly can, but I really can't take off from work unless my employers are on vacation. (I provide their childcare. If I don't work, they can't either; I take that responsibility very seriously. I think we are all grateful for my rather robust immune system.) Chip has thought of taking a day at a time and going down on his own, which might work, although the cost of transport makes this not a realistic option all that frequently. (Transporting all three of us gets even more complicated, and obviously we can't leave Benjamin on his own while we go.)
Essentially what we have is a situation where both my sister and I (and our families) are spending as much time there as we possibly can afford both in terms of time and money, but it clearly is inadequate to their needs. They just bought into a retirement community, which now puts real urgency on the task. They have bridge loan, but they need to get their house fit to sell (and ideally empty) as soon as possible and then (in a not exactly optimal market) sell it as soon as possible.
I've approached them about hiring someone, but my dad absolutely will not even begin to entertain the possibility. He is not even thrilled at all about having us in the house, even though I am the kid he is closest to, and he really likes both Chip and Benjamin a great deal. (Yes he has some issues. He's also an old man well aware that his once keen mind is failing --personally that would be my worst nightmare. He is in the middle of a devastating loss already, and I feel his wishes should be respected, even when they are impractical. The privacy of his living space really matters to him.) Add to this the clear stress on Benjamin (and me) whenever we go. I don't handle staying in that dirty an environment very well, and even though I try really hard to hide my stress from Benjamin, I know he picks up on it anyway. (He also travels poorly. He might do better on the train, but that is insanely expensive -- more than three times the cost of driving. It's also a way longer trip that way, and would leave us a lot less time to do the work we are actually there to do.)
So there is a good answer somewhere perhaps, but I haven't yet managed to see what it is.
Obviously this needs sorting, but my parents are really frail at this point. My mother's mind is utterly as sharp as ever, but she really can't physically do more than a minuscule amount of this each day. My dad is physically healthy enough, but he is also developing increasingly severe memory problems; he really can't maintain the focus to do much of anything most days.
The magnitude of the work is overwhelming. My sister's wife and step-son were there for almost a week and maybe managed to get through five percent of it. Chip and I are down there absolutely whenever we possibly can, but I really can't take off from work unless my employers are on vacation. (I provide their childcare. If I don't work, they can't either; I take that responsibility very seriously. I think we are all grateful for my rather robust immune system.) Chip has thought of taking a day at a time and going down on his own, which might work, although the cost of transport makes this not a realistic option all that frequently. (Transporting all three of us gets even more complicated, and obviously we can't leave Benjamin on his own while we go.)
Essentially what we have is a situation where both my sister and I (and our families) are spending as much time there as we possibly can afford both in terms of time and money, but it clearly is inadequate to their needs. They just bought into a retirement community, which now puts real urgency on the task. They have bridge loan, but they need to get their house fit to sell (and ideally empty) as soon as possible and then (in a not exactly optimal market) sell it as soon as possible.
I've approached them about hiring someone, but my dad absolutely will not even begin to entertain the possibility. He is not even thrilled at all about having us in the house, even though I am the kid he is closest to, and he really likes both Chip and Benjamin a great deal. (Yes he has some issues. He's also an old man well aware that his once keen mind is failing --personally that would be my worst nightmare. He is in the middle of a devastating loss already, and I feel his wishes should be respected, even when they are impractical. The privacy of his living space really matters to him.) Add to this the clear stress on Benjamin (and me) whenever we go. I don't handle staying in that dirty an environment very well, and even though I try really hard to hide my stress from Benjamin, I know he picks up on it anyway. (He also travels poorly. He might do better on the train, but that is insanely expensive -- more than three times the cost of driving. It's also a way longer trip that way, and would leave us a lot less time to do the work we are actually there to do.)
So there is a good answer somewhere perhaps, but I haven't yet managed to see what it is.
